


When I Look At The Stars

by MixterGlacia



Series: Hepcat History [3]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Getting Emotional About Space, Introspection, Memories, Town Mom Daisy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-23 00:25:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9631511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MixterGlacia/pseuds/MixterGlacia
Summary: Paddy visits Daisy, and comes to terms with his feelings after becoming a ghoul.





	

Paddy blinked against the glowing lights strung throughout Goodneighbor. Instinctively, he reaches for his sunglasses, fetching them from the case he’d sewn together to prevent further damage. He put them on just as he had so many times before. 

 

They clatter to the floor. He looked a bit sheepish, glad there wasn’t anyone around to see that. Pad’ picked them up and slipped them back on. Again they fell. He tried a few more times before he heard distant shouts, making him pause for a moment. In that brief second it finally occurred to him why this wasn’t working. The bridge of his glasses had nothing to rest on. There was a void where his nose had once been. This shouldn’t have bothered him. This shouldn’t have caused his arm to tremble. So he forced himself to move on, not wanting to think on this any further.

 

A part of him regretted not bringing his hat or Pip-Boy. Hell, any of his usual attire. Distrustful eyes followed him as he walked the alleyways. He wasn’t used to the suspicion like he had been when he’d first started sniffing around the town. It stung, even if he understood. He kept his head down as he quietly ducked into Daisy’s.

 

When he stepped in, her eyes flickered over his face. She didn’t recognize him either. That cut him deeply.

 

“You asked for me, Miss Daisy…?” He was hyper aware of how differently he sounded now.

 

Everything in her stance changed in an instant, remorse tugging at her browline. “Oh, sweetheart, I didn’t-” She swallowed hard. “I’m sor-”

 

“Please don’t be sorry. I didn’t either, the first time I saw myself.”

 

The other ghoul pulled a folded tarp from behind the counter, draping it over her work station. She then waved for him to follow. “We’ll talk upstairs.”

 

She guides him along, a gentle hand on his shoulder. Her grip was unsteady, knowing that Paddy was in way over his head with everything that had happened. If she was being honest, she probably was too. Daisy had walked other ghouls through this but it was rare that she knew them before the radiation had ripped through their bodies. It was different when you knew instead of being told after the fact.

 

They climbed the ladder she’d set up for easy access to the rooftops. Paddy shouldered the hatch open, pulling himself onto the roughly finished surface. Daisy followed after him, more gracefully. (Mostly due to the fact that her skin had healed long ago, unlike her companion.)

 

The sky was remarkably clear that night, stars shining brightly. It made something lurch in the man’s gut. There was something about it that dredged memories he’d long forgotten up from the depths of his mind.

 

Things like laying in the soft grass of his hometown, while the local students put together an orchestra by the river in the summers. Pulling trash from an abandoned treehouse, while his folks called for him to come to dinner. Fireflies trying to outdo the distant points of light winking overhead.

 

The gleam in his eye when he was approached by the Goldilocks, suggesting that he’d be a perfect fit for the local chapter. The moon watching quietly as he carried out their instructions with brutal efficiency. It’s soft light playing witness as hot trails of blood soaked his bandanna, while he ran, fast as he could from those he’d once been so loyal to. Pleading with whatever, whoever was listening to him out there, please let me get away. Let me live to see just one more night.

 

Watching the last hints of sunlight fade while a recruitment officer walked him through the drafting process while his face was still healing from the ‘Locks retribution. Learning how to use those hands of his to put bones back together, instead of taking them apart, lessons stretching long into the night.

 

Disappointment plain on his wife’s face when he couldn’t bring himself to consummate their marriage, a mirror reflecting moonlight into their bedroom. Her nervous excitement when they’d adopted a son to give her what Paddy couldn’t. 

 

When the man had dragged himself from the vault, those stars were hidden behind noxious, foreboding clouds.

 

The slight glimpse he’d caught of them as Nick followed him out of Skinny’s vault, when the smog had become patchy. A morbid image of the first clear sky he’d seen since the bombs, framed in the pool a blood forming around Finn. How it just barely gave away a figure shifting in the shadows of Goodneighbor. 

 

Laying his head in Hancock’s lap, letting the Mentats bring out the names of his stars, which he’d forgotten over the years. Light filtering through holes in the ceiling, while the charming ghoul dragged his new bandanna off, kissing the surgeon until he was breathless.

 

Looking to the sky while dread formed in him when his partner sank to his knees, asking the one thing he couldn’t give. His heart leaping to those stars he loved when Hancock smiled, standing up again. Telling Pad’ he wasn’t broken. Saying he was perfectly happy, even if they didn’t fuck, then pulling the man into a warm embrace.

 

That day when his stars were blanketed in a green fog that filled his lungs with fire, burnt its way through his veins. In the back of his mind he’d called out to the sky to protect him.

 

“Sweetheart?”

 

Paddy jumped out of what was left of his skin, looking at Daisy with wide eyes. He’d wandered so deeply into his memories that he’d lost himself.

 

“S-Sorry, Miss Daisy.”

 

“Nothing to be sorry over.” She tuts, “Let’s go sit down.” motioning to a patio table with two chairs set by it. 

 

He drifts over, easing into the seat. The metal backing digs painfully through his borrowed shirt. He wishes he’d accepted the Med-X Hancock had waved at him before he’d headed out.

 

Daisy settles across from him. The starlight only serves to make the questions in her eyes that much clearer. He doesn’t want to talk. Words aren’t his friends at the best of times but now? Not a chance.

 

“You’re one of us, Paddy. You know that?”

 

He makes a confused sound, low in his throat. Makes him want to cough. He fights the urge.

 

“You’ve always been. Now there’s no question about it.” She gives him a lopsided smile as she pauses for a moment. “Nobody can claim you. Diamond City’s mayor? He’s gonna have a brahmin when you see him next.”

 

“They’ll shoot me.” He manages to snipe, voice faltering. 

 

They trail into silence after that. Pad’ fears he’s offended her, ready to speak again when Daisy pulls a well worn book from her coat.

 

“Did you read much before the bombs?” Her scarred fingers ghost over the cover.

 

He nods, and she tilts the book so he can see it better.

 

“Know this one?”

 

Another nod.

 

She smiles warmly. “Let me read it to you?”

He looks baffled. “Why?”

 

“Because you need it, sweetheart.” Is the only reasoning she gives while flipping to the first page.

 

“...Okay.”

 

So he leans back, watching his stars as the familiar story plays out. The children running from the threat of bombs like he had. Yet their bombs could be out run. Something akin to jealousy bubbles up in his chest. That spare room of theirs gave another escape, this one even greater than he could ever possibly hope to gain. 

 

As it continues though, he finds that feeling dies away. He can’t help relating to those kids. Daisy excels at reading. She draws you in, delivering each line elegantly, vibrantly painting the story out just by the tone she uses. Halfway in, she looks over at him.

 

“How’re you feeling?”

 

It startles him slightly, but not enough to prevent him from thinking over her question. “Not great but...it doesn’t hurt as much.”

 

She gives him one of those secretive smirks, before handing the book to him. “Your turn.”

 

“E-Excuse me?”

 

“You read out the rest.” She leaves no room for argument.

 

Pad’ takes it from her, looking irritated. He glances over the page. His voice wavers as he starts where she left off.

 

Soon enough, it feels better. He doesn’t hesitate as much, starting to become invested in the tale. Fingers tighten on the binding, the words shiver with emotion. He realises a few tears have slipped down his ruined cheeks. Daisy pats his arm. He carries on, telling how the girls watch on in horror as the mighty lion is humiliated, slain, and left for dead. The other ghoul is paying close attention.

 

By the time the book is closed, Paddy is smiling, and the stars are fading into the morning light. He hands it back to her, only for her to push it away.

 

“I’ve had it for a very long time. I’ve read it more times than I’d like to admit. It’s yours now.”

 

“No, Miss Daisy, this is too much I-”

 

“Paddy.” She gives him a look. “It belongs to you now.”

 

He knows better than to argue further. Instead, he holds it close to his chest, smiling brighter than he had in weeks.

 

“Alright, sweetheart. I’ve kept you long enough now. Go get some food or something, make sure your boys aren’t tearing the town apart looking for you.” Her tone seems blunt, but she can’t stop that maternal edge from creeping in.

 

He awkwardly hugs her. “Thanks, Miss Daisy.”

 

As he leaves he notices how much better he feels. His shoulders aren’t aching as much. When he thinks about it later he manages to put a name to the emotion, and it’s one he hasn’t felt in quite some time.

 

Hope.

**Author's Note:**

> SUPER FLOWERY, COOL SPACE, FINAL DESTINATION.


End file.
